the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
