she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize