why didn't you poke me back
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
