We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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