do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
