She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize