...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
