3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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