Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
