Im at strip club and am horny
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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