i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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