don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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