I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
