dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
of course. lets lasso hookers.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
