im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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