I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
