enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
