MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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