I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
