I want to stick my p in your. b.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry about my life...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
