If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
