We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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