she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
