I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
