I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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