Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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