Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
