Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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