Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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