Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize