Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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