Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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