My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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