thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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