On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
