i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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