awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
