Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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