i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
