Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
