You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
