I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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