I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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