i'm signing you up for texting rehab
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
