Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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