I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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