Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
