....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
