you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize