The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
