so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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