i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
