I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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