It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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