This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
