Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
