i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
