Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So vagazzling was a success
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
