sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
