you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
