My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
