I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
