Someone shit on the floor
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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