I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
