The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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