The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
