I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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