he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
