I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
