I think I just saw someone hide a body.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
